Part II: Recent thoughts

I've come to feel a lot better about my body lately. I think this is due in part to taking women's studies and realizing where society influences me even when I don't think it does, just because it influences many women so much more. Once I see where an idea comes from, if it's a ridiculous reason (like many societal norms) then I'm the sort of person who can just get rid of it. Ironically, this has resulted in me getting closer to some of my previous dysphoria-driven goals. When I started to pay more attention to how my body felt from the inside, I realized I felt better when I ate less and in a certain way - and now the external measure of my weight is creeping slowly downward.

But there's something else, too, and I don't think it's related to women's studies. Something is happening to my face. I feel more beautiful lately, and not by some predefined standard but simply that I feel like it works the way I want it to. When I look in the mirror, it looks like how I see myself. When I smile, it looks like I'm smiling and not grimacing at a bad smell. When I don't smile, I look pensive rather than grumpy. When I frown, I look sharply disapproving and not petulant. I hardly think about my misaligned teeth anymore. I used to think they were the thing messing up all my expressions before, but they haven't changed. Neither has anything else I can identify. I don't know where it's coming from but I hope it persists.